In one simple sentance I can update you on how competition went this past weekend…
I didn’t compete.
Clearly that sentence however doesn’t answer the throngs of questions that are going to be levied at me if I were to leave it there.
14 weeks of cutting (hard) for competition.
14 weeks of dieting and counting every gram of macro nutrients that went into my body.
14 weeks of watching my body miraculously transform into a sleek and lean package of muscle and curve.
14 weeks of my life spent preparing only to come to the decision last week that I wasn’t going to compete.
I can see you sitting there right now with your mouth gapping open and in complete shock, asking yourself, “What was she thinking?”
About two weeks ago I became very aware that my “gut” was speaking to me. At first I opted not to listen, kept marching along on the same path that I had laid out for myself. However if you have ever tried to avoid listening to your “gut” you know that it is one noisy and loud presence.
It was a culmination of things that I started noticing…
Looking in the mirror I was completely in love with everything I was seeing. Lean muscle was popping everywhere, I felt better than I ever have in my own physique.
Add to that the fact that getting to that point was easy for me. The habits were not challenging to adopt and maintain for me. The training ideal, because I love lifting heavy and the nutrition optimal, because I wasn’t feeling deprived. I realized this is something I can easily do forever.
The big one however was this nagging thought that kept popping back into my head…I couldn’t wait for competition to be over. It was started to feel like a speed bump in the middle of this perfect training and nutrition plan I had adopted.
It was going to throw of my eating for a week. Depleting me calorically and in turn affecting my emotions as well.
It involved spending all day standing around in a bikini, heels and “man tan” caked all over me…not really a comfortable place to be.
I was eager to get it over with so that I could move on to my “perfect” body for life and my new ventures in the world of dance…a true passion.
So that is what my “gut” was spitting at me for a week but I kept trudging along.
Until last Tuesday when I was hit, and I mean HIT with an epiphany…one that changed my life in a day and is marking the path for the rest of my life.
There I was sitting happier than I have ever been with my body and new habits that had formed in the last 14 weeks that were easy to maintain….why screw that up?
Being in stage shape is great..for the day that you are there but the reality is that it doesn’t last. It can’t be maintianed for any length of time nor is it healthy to stay at that place.
I found myself wondering why would I push myself to a place that I could not possibly be able to keep only to have to watch it fade away in the days after competition. Especially when I was thrilled with where I was already.
Why would I spend a day competing…when I really didn’t enjoy the process all that much.
So I opted to do what so few people do in this world…bow out when the time was right for me. Not push myself to an extreme that would leave me emotionally unhappy and struggling afterwards (and yes I know this to be true based on last year).
Society would deem me a failure perhaps because I did not see through to my goal of getting on stage.
In realtiy I sit here a winner of the best kind. Staying true to myself. Trusting my gut. And following the road that makes me the most happy.
You have heard me say it a thousand times…goals and dreams have to be dynamic, just because you set them doesn’t meant that they can’t alter and transform while on the path to reaching them.
Who knows something better may just form in the process.
I for one can attest that “something better” has come out of this for me…a new level of living. A healthy nutrition plan and a training regime that I adore. My “perfect” body for me that will only improve over time.
Most importantly however…the reminder that I really do live my life in pursuit of the things that I truly desire for myself and the knowing that my soul will always guide me…when I listen.
How Does She Do It Mom – “The Voice Of The Woman You Used To Be…And Are Looking For”