Posted by ccampbell in Sex, Romance & Life | 3 Comments
Lesson #2 On Getting Exactly What You Want
Let’s recap Friday’s Blog………
Stuff happens in life… To you, to me, to everyone.
But it’s the emotions you place and the reactions you have towards the stuff that matters.
Stuff itself isn’t ‘Good’ or ‘Bad’…. It just is.
You add the’ grief’.
You contribute the ‘stress’.
You insert the ‘victimization’.
You attach the ‘sadness’.
You affix the feelings of ‘whoa-is-me-can’t-do-anything-about-this-gonna-go-cry-in-my-coffee’.
People who have more, do more, are more and become more are not ‘lucky’ or ‘fortunate’…
… They have CHOSEN their path in life EXACTLY the same as you have chosen yours.
And quite frankly, I can’t think of a better lead-in into my Lesson #2……. Two words:
T-A-K-E
R-E-S-P-O-N-S-I-B-I-L-I-T-Y
The greatest plague attached to society at large, for my money.
And the very reason you are stuck precisely where you are.
I know, because it’s the reason I was stuck also.
Failed relationships were because I wasn’t being treated the way I wanted to be treated and that wasn’t fair.
My career was wedged in neutral because I wasn’t being given the opportunity to ascend.
I didn’t have any money because my skill sets weren’t considered a ‘highly paid’ profession.
I didn’t have the body I wanted because I was a single Mom with two kids and no time for me……
Blah, Blah, Blah.
The truth of the matter is, I was making excuses.
And I’ll bet you are, as well.
That’s why “Lesson #2” for me, was one of the most important times in my life.
I’m still unaware of what triggered this renaissance.
This new outlook and understanding.
But one day, it all just started making sense.
“He” wasn’t treating me badly…. I was allowing myself to be talked to on his terms.
“They” weren’t preventing me from career ascension…. I wasn’t making myself indispensible enough.
“People” weren’t shielding money from me…. I didn’t create the expectations of my own worth.
“My kids” didn’t occupy too much of my time…. I was in charge of my schedule and time commitments.
He, They, People & My Kids became ME…. I.
I took control, simply because, I took responsibility.
The world was not to blame for my lot in life.
Negative events could not be held culpable for my despair.
People weren’t the cause of my limitations.
I was.
The combination of “Lesson #1” and “Lesson #2” proved very profound for me.
I stopped reacting to obstacles – both large and small.
I refused to pay any attention to life hiccups – no matter how significant or insignificant.
I became stoic; a rock whose tenant for everything was ‘ce la vie’.
I took responsibility for it all….
And THAT was the most empowering part.
Victimization sucks… You just a) don’t recognize you’re a victim or b) don’t know how to stop being one.
It’s like a heavy blanket over your head. You can’t move, you can’t breathe, you can’t see the things you want to see… You want so badly to break free from its grip, but at the same time, likely don’t realize how much you actually feel safe under it – It’s awfully comfortable underneath this warm cocoon of blame and victim-hood.
My own personal rebirth was empowering to be sure, but it was also scary.
Taking responsibility meant that I would have no more excuses.
Being 100% accountable implied that I would lose the ability to cling to events or circumstance as my albatross.
But it’s the only way to become the architect.
The creator of your own destiny.
So I urge you, hold “Lesson #1” in your mind, and begin transitioning towards the importance of “Lesson #2”. In doing so, consider repeating this to yourself (I did during the 14 month evolution I made)…..
“It’s not THEM…. It’s ME”.
Stay sexy,
C2
Facebook comments:
It is much easier blaming everything we aren’t satisfied with on others, cirmcumstances and even fate. Doing so is comforting because no action is required. No decisions are needed.
Initiating change is scary. Taking chances to get what we want implies risk. Risk means there’s a chance of failing. But if we don’t at least try, we’ll never know what could be. When we decide to change what we aren’t happy with, there’s always a risk that we may fail but there are so many more chances that we’ll open up a world of opportunities we never imagined possible.
You’re stuck in a dead end job and your relationship is unsatisfying? You want better but either you think you aren’t worthy or won’t be able to find it? You can either choose to live with it miserably or take a leap of faith and risk it all.
I happen to act on impulse. I don’t weigh the pros and cons before making a decision. I never have a plan B… and honestly, not even a plan A. I was exactly in the situation mentionned above and if you’ve read my comment on Lesson #1, you can see that intiating those changes seemed to momentarily put me into a situation worse than I was to start off with. Jobless and alone with two kids.
I kept thinking that maybe I had made the wrong decisions. I started regretting them. When I look back, I think I learnt lesson #2 before lesson #1 because I wasn’t equipped with the emotional control I had over the events that were happening because of the changes I initiated. After learning lesson #1, that’s when it all changed.
I’ve learned that you have to be ready and willing to face a bunch of road bumps when you decide to change but you have to keep on going. Never give up. When you finally get to where you want to be, it is only that much more rewarding and empowering! That’s when you come to the realisation that if you really can get what you want. You are the master of your own destiny.
I just made a change in a 26 year relationship and yes it has been very difficult and as someone else said “hell” and there have been many “road bumps”. But I think the change is going to be well worth it. It’s been scary and you can let your mind do crazy things to you if you let it. You just have to follow your heart and not let your mind over rule your wants and desires. I never felt like I was worthy of more or felt like I deserved more. Why should I, why could I not be happy and content with what I had. I finally got to the point of deciding that I did deserve more. Am I being selfish, maybe. I’m sure some people would think so. Even some of my friends or at least the people I thought were my friends think I’m being selfish. But I can say I am really happy right now and I feel like a ton of bricks have been lifted off me. I’m going after exactly what I have wanted and longed for, for a very long time and it feels really good. My only regret is that I didn’t think I deserved more or could achieve more 26 years ago. Carrie, you are very inspiring to me. I have always believed that things happen for a reason. And I know that I came across your blog at a time in my life when I needed it the most. So I just want to say “thank you” and give you a very big cyber hug.
Julie thank you so much for sharing this comment with us. It is clear that you are going through a difficult time and while I know it is incredibly scary good for you for recognizing that you deserved more and wanted more but more importantly that you decided to make change…that is always the most challenging part. I am heartened to know that my blog has been inspiring to you and that it is offering you the input that you need at this time in your life. Cyber hug right back at you….